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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Massive Failures Prompt Feds to Seize the Kansas City Chiefs

VNN EXCLUSIVE:

9/26/08 (11:44pm CDT)

The Federal Government, citing months of failures and years of corrupt mismanagement, has seized control of the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs.

“We had to move quickly on this,” said Missouri Senator Clair McCaskill (D). “The Chiefs are an embarrassment to Kansas City, Missouri, and the NFL. We can not allow this cancer to metastasize, and kill the rest of the National Football League.”

“This team has not been to a Super Bowl since LBJ was President,” said Sen. Barney Frank (D). “It’s not fair,” Sen. Frank continued.

Under the Government plan, Tom Brady and Randy Moss will be transferred to the Chiefs at the end of this season, and current GM Carl Peterson will be replaced with Tom Delay.

Peterson and former Chiefs owner, Clark Hunt, were unavailable for comment.

While the Government can not force Brady and Moss to play for the Chiefs, they plan to use emergency funds to pay them $50m per year if they will move, as well as compensating the New England Patriots one billion dollars.

The Chiefs will also be allowed the first three draft picks in 2009.

“The greater good is what (is) important here,” said Chiefs second-year wide receiver Dwayne Bowe. “The Chiefs are (messed up)!”

Pro-Bowler Tony Gonzales said, “While Brody Croyle is the terror of the NFL, and the shredder of defenses, and his back-up, Tyler Thigpen, makes defensive coordinators quake in their boots, I think this is a good move, we needed this.”

Senators from California and Colorado vehemently opposed the Federal bailout of the Chiefs, and promised to file a lawsuit.

(All rights reserved, VNN 2008)

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