(function() { (function(){function b(g){this.t={};this.tick=function(h,m,f){var n=void 0!=f?f:(new Date).getTime();this.t[h]=[n,m];if(void 0==f)try{window.console.timeStamp("CSI/"+h)}catch(q){}};this.tick("start",null,g)}var a;if(window.performance)var e=(a=window.performance.timing)&&a.responseStart;var p=0=c&&(window.jstiming.srt=e-c)}if(a){var d=window.jstiming.load;0=c&&(d.tick("_wtsrt",void 0,c),d.tick("wtsrt_","_wtsrt", e),d.tick("tbsd_","wtsrt_"))}try{a=null,window.chrome&&window.chrome.csi&&(a=Math.floor(window.chrome.csi().pageT),d&&0=b&&window.jstiming.load.tick("aft")};var k=!1;function l(){k||(k=!0,window.jstiming.load.tick("firstScrollTime"))}window.addEventListener?window.addEventListener("scroll",l,!1):window.attachEvent("onscroll",l); })();

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Great FREE Games

Meine Ehemalige Freundin

This is a picture of the woman I used to be with a long time ago, in a state far, far away:

Read this, It will make you a better person

Thursday, May 26, 2005

People Who Inspire Me

Part 1

This is a series about certain people who have inspired me throughout my life. Some are evil, some are good, some are famous, and some are not. To a certain extent, every person you interact with or read about will inspire you in some fashion, but these are the most influential in MY life.

These people will not be in any order, but I will break them down into groups. I will also have pictures of them is possible. If I don’t have a picture, I will draw one.

World Leaders

#1: Idi “King of Bling” Amin

This man was one of the funniest dictators of all time. He once wore so many medals, awards and ribbons that his uniform tore apart under the weight. The world came to know him as the “Butcher of Uganda,” but he decided to give himself this title:

"His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular."

He was also known to call himself “The King of Scotland.”

After his rise to power, Amin had his political rivals arrested then decapitated. At a formal dinner, he had the frozen heads placed around the table as “guests” while he ate and engaged them in polite conversation, admonishing the heads for opposing him.

Yes, maybe he was a mass murderer and a megalomaniacal buffoon whom ran his country straight into the ground, but hey: HE HAD STYLE!

#2 Ronald Reagan

How could any body that listened to Reagan’s “evil empire” speech, and watched the “Star Wars” address from the White House after the movie The Day After aired not love this man? Along with Margaret Thatcher and Pope John Paul II, he destroyed the Soviet Union with nothing more then rhetoric, disinformation, and a few leaks about the U.S. Air Force’s new “Magic Invisible Bombers.”

Me and my friends used to play games when were kids where somebody made a “Red Square” dirt pile, and then we threw “MX Missiles” (rocks or sticks) at it. Then we would go home and draw pictures of mushroom clouds. Later on when we were in high school, we wanted to make a movie called “The Walking Reagan Robot,” but we never got around to it.

#3 Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon became my obsession when I started playing a NES game by Koei called L’Empereur. In this game, you simulate Bonaparte’s political and military career. This was the hardest video game I have ever played in my entire life. I stated playing it when I was 14, and the one and only time I won it was when I was 25.

My obsession with wining this game had some positive results. I was so consumed with winning that I learned A LOT about the Napoleonic era; just because I wanted to know everything that happened so I could avoid the mistakes that Napoleon made. I could then conquer Europe! I learned about the British Navy, I learned about the Cossacks in Russia and about 19th century Prussia. I wrote papers on these subjects in school that earned me “A’s.” I learned about the Ottoman Empire, and read War and Peace; More “A’s.” To learn more about strategy, I read Sun Tzu and took up chess. The teachers thought I was a devoted student of history, but I did ALL of this just so I could win a Nintendo game about 19th century warfare and politics that was created by a team of 20th century Japanese.

A side note: Napoleon was not short, as he is usually depicted. This idea was invented by the British as a propaganda device. Napoleon was actually several inches taller then the average man of his time.

#4 Malcolm X

The first autobiography of a black man I read was Richard Wright’s in the 10th grade. Malcolm X’s was the second. I loved Black Boy, and in fact still have the copy of the book that I “borrowed” from SM North library. I remember that the librarian came to my English class when we were supposed to read an autobiography, and presented several options. Black Boy was the only one she tried to discourage us to read, so of course that was the one I picked. That book changed my life, and I still remember the look on the librarians face when I choose it. As influential as it was on me, it did not have near the impact on my life that Malcolm X did.

When you’re a white kid raised in America, your parents, family and friends tell you things about black people. I don’t know what black people tell their kids, family, and friends about white people, but I don’t imagine it’s much different. That’s why I think when I wanted to read about black people, the librarian looked at me like I was a traitor.
While I knew about slavery, discrimination, Jim Crow, Etc., Malcolm X was the first person that made me SEE these things from a black person’s point of view. He made me understand how black people actually felt about the things I just knew the basic facts of.

#5 Adolf Hitler

Of course this man has influenced every person born since the 1910’s, but for me he has been the inspiration for more jokes, impersonations, satire, and irony then any other person whom has ever lived.

For instance, my friends and I would slick our hair back and draw push-broom mustaches on our upper lips with a Sharpie pen, then have “Dueling Hitler’s.” This is where we would shake our fists at each other and spout gibberish German rants at until we all started laughing too hard too keep it up.

While I hate everything this man represents, Hitler’s actions have reformed this entire planet for all time to come. Consider these two things that Hitler and WW II directly caused:

1: The Cold War
2: The Creation of the State of Israel

#6 Margaret Thatcher

This was the most powerful woman in all of human history. Cleopatra, Catherine the Great and Helen of Troy shrivel to insignificance at the feet of “The Iron Lady.”

America respected her, and the USSR feared her. This woman is most likely the reason that Mother Russia never set out to conquer Western Europe in the 80’s when they had a chance. The Politburo knew that it was Thatcher, not Reagan that would turn the Rodina into a radioactive wasteland if they did.

Thatcher radically changed the British economy, privatizing government controlled industries, and changing tax policy. While these actions had bad results initially, the economy recovered and continued to grow. Thatcher is the only female British Prime Minister, and the first PM to be elected to 3 consecutive terms.

When Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands, a British Territory, in 1982, Thatcher sent the Royal Navy including submarines to the area. The submarine HMS Conqueror sunk an Argentine cruiser and scared the rest of their navy back into port. A ground attack was ordered on the islands themselves. The British took many losses, but the Islands were retaken with relative ease.

Thatcher allowed the US to store nuclear weapons in the UK, and allowed Reagan to stage the1986 attack on Libya from British air bases.

When the Iraqis invaded Kuwait in 1991, Thatcher had to brow beat George H.W. Bush into sending troops to Saudi Arabia and expelling Hussein’s forces by telling him; “This is no time to go wobbly!”

Next group comming soon..

Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Slam-Dunking The Da Vinci Code Debunkers


If you are not familiar with The Da Vinci Code (2003) by Dan Brown, it is one of the most controversial books that has been published in the 21st centaury, maybe the most controversial book since The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie (Iran, 16 years later, still has a $2.8 million bounty on Rushdie’s head.*)

*The fatwa, or Islamic religious law edict, can not be repealed because according to Islamic law, only the issuer of the fatwa may due so: Ayatollah Khomeini died soon after he issued his fatwa on Rushdie.

To date, no less then ten books have been written by various Christian theologians and historians that dispute the validity of this novel. Let me say that again. To date, no less then ten books have been written by various Christian theologians and historians that dispute the validity of this novel.

When I read about all these books and saw the various web sites that were debunking Brown’s novel, I was completely flabbergasted. Although I understand that the things written in The Da Vinci Code are highly insulting to Christians (and Muslims as well), I could not understand why there was such a strong reaction to this particular book. There have been tens of thousands, if not millions of books written that would offend Christians. Why are there not legions of Christians calling for the head of Michael Crichton or Steven King? These are two of the most popular secular novelists of our era, yet you do not see shelves of books debunking Jurassic Park or The Stand.

J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a trilogy of books decades ago that are beloved by millions. These books would eventually become one of the most successful movie trilogies of all time, with only Star Wars as a rival. Both Star Wars and Lord of the Rings should be highly blasphemous to Christians, yet why are they not debunked? Why are Steven King and Michael Crichton not debunked? These authors and screen writers are criticized by Christians , yes, but you will never see a theologian go to the trouble of writing and publishing a whole book that debunks a Michael Crichton or J.R.R. Tolkien novel, much less a work by Steven King. My theory is that the farther away that a book or movie moves away from central Christian theology, that the less attention it attracts from Christian leaders. Sort of like a literary red-shift in the universe of expanding ideas.

Part 1: The Code

The authors of the books that debunked The Da Vinci Code obviously did not bother to look at the cover, or they may not have bothered:


For the slow, the definition of a novel is:

Novel: n. An extended fictional work in prose; usually in the form of a story.

This is what is being debunked; a book that states on the cover that it is a work of fiction.

Since Doubleday understands that most people will miss the 14 point white letters on the dark background that states that the book is a novel, they included a complicated and ambiguous statement in legalese about the nature of the book:

All of the characters and events in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wow, after two months my brain still cannot fathom this mind-blowing revelation...

This disclaimer can also mean that any real person or event mentioned in the novel was also used in context fictitiously. Frederick Forsythe is famous for using actual people and events in this manner (nobody debunks him.)

The idea of debunking this book should have stopped well before chapter one. Why was it not? Money and greed, not defense of the Faith. If you have Faith, it should not need to be defended to others, and a work of fiction should not cause you to question it.

Part 2: Money for Nothing

The people who wrote the books debunking Dan Brown’s novel are making a lot of money. It would not surprise me if that collectively, the debunking of The Da Vinci Code has generated more revenue then the book itself. The History Channel has even produced a two-hour program about the book and its detractors.

Dan Brown wrote a novel about the last days of Jesus Christ and an admitted fictional account of the history of Christianity. Christians are making money writing books debunking a book that everybody knows to be fictitious. A martial arts master publishing a serious book pointing out the flaws in Kung Fu Hustle would be slightly less silly.

Who was more evil: The heretic burning at the stake, or the priest that lit the fire? I guess it depends on your point of view.

Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Monday, May 23, 2005


Apparently, some people find the post about why men in the 21st century fear marriage offensive. I don’t understand this at all because everything I wrote was completely accurate. What was most perplexing is that I was told by my friend, I will call her Kristin Drake, that “There is something very very wrong with me,” and that I “need to get laid.”


This is the last person on the face of the earth that I would have advise me on the state of my mental heath or give me relationship tips. It was a cheap shot aimed at my ego, but hey that’s what broads do when they know they don’t have a leg to stand on in an argument.

I am actually highly amused. Irony amuses me more then anything in the whole world and this may have been the single most ironic conversation in my entire life

Although I endured about 4 minutes of personal attacks, I felt pretty good when she was done. I had no doubt now that she completly agreed with everything I wrote. Through a 4 minute rant and rave, she never once tried to refute anything in my article.

-Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Friday, May 20, 2005

Dennis Miller Sucks

Dennis Miller on CNBC:
Synopsis of a Televised Abortion

If you have not seen Dennis Miller’s show that airs on CNBC, you really need to tune in. This man is the most well spoken and intelligent comic that you will ever have the pleasure to view.

Well… at least he was.

Dennis Miller was a writer for Saturday Night Live in 1975, then again from 1985 until 1991. He has produced many HBO specials, and is most famous for hosting the SNL fake news (you may remember at the end of his bit, how he used to scrawl on his papers as the camera panned out.) Dennis has appeared in many movies, and if you recall, was the color commentator of Monday Night Football for a season. His resume is very impressive. Click on this link to see more:

The way I see it, Dennis Miller has some major flaws that have caught up with him:

1.) His improv jokes and retorts, much less the rehearsed ones, are far too high-brow for the average viewer.
2.) He tends to revisit subjects that people have forgotten about.
3.) He is an arrogant smart-ass; An OLD arrogant smart ass, that has completely lost touch with his audience.
4.) He will engage world leaders in conversation, asking legitimate questions, then make wise cracks after they answer.

His CNBC show is actually painful for me to watch, because I have a lot of respect for the man. The only reason his show has stayed on as long as it has is that CNBC needs “filler” material for their programming schedule. If this show was on any other network, it would have been yanked faster then After M.A.S.H

Terri Schiavo died a more pleasant and honorable death then what Dennis Miller’s career is now facing.

If you watch Dennis Miller on CNBC, you will notice some things:

The audience is mostly made up of elderly people, and they laugh out of politeness sometimes, the way that older people do.

The audience often “boos.” Real “boos.”

You can hear the strain in Miller’s voice when his act is going bad. Much worse, you can see the contempt in his eyes because his audience does not understand him. I have never in my life heard a comic “umm” and “ah” so much. His voice will take on a higher pitch, and I swear sometimes it looks like he’s going to run off the set crying.

Tonight he told an Enron joke. A FUCKING ENRON JOKE??? That was news 2 years ago!

See for yourselves, if you have not already. I hate to see one of my childhood idols go down in flames like this, but television comedy is very Darwin; Survival of the funniest.

-Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Why the 21st Century Man in America Fears Marriage

I recently told a good friend of mine that I was going to stop writing about stuff like this, because frankly, I feel it’s played out. Call me a one time liar and I’ll keep this short.

Consider this my last blast on the subject.

Men basically fear marriage because the woman can decide at any time that the relationship does not suit her and wipe-out the man financially and emotionally in divorce court. Women usually get preferential treatment in the settlement, especially if there are children involved. The woman will usually get primary custody, child support and alimony unless the woman is a complete fuck-up.

With the sky-rocketing divorce rate, men are asking themselves…why should we get married?

These are the three REAL reasons why men are reluctant to commit, not the BS reasons you read on MSN or get from Dr. Phil:

1. There is no security in marriage for men.
2. A marriage in 21st century America will likely end in divorce.
3. For every happily married person a man knows, they know at least two others that have a horror story.

Countering this reasonable argument is the intense desire for a man to place his blood-engorged penis in the crotch of a woman. Men LOVE the women’s crotch, and most will pay almost anything to get in there.

We are lucky that men are so consumed with woman’s crotches, or the human race would have died out long ago.

This does not change that fact that the service you women are providing is not worth what you are charging.

-Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Tommy Masterson is HERE!

The blog I am starting is the Real Truth. This blog is the life and thoughts of a 28 year-old dysfunctional savant.

Read this, It will make you a better person