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Friday, June 24, 2005

Mr. Masterson’s Neighborhood

I live in a decent part of town. It's not the wealthiest to be sure, but it certainly isn't the ghetto. Like any neighborhood, there are many interesting people. I always seem to live in places with many interesting people. Maybe I will write about them all some time, but for now these are the ones I interact with on a daily basis.

#1: The Three Amigos

These dudes are damn interesting. There are three of them living in a two bedroom apartment. Two white guys about mid-thirties and an Indian (Asian Indian) that is about my age. They showed up about two months ago in a rented semi-trailer sized moving truck and started unloading some very expensive things into their apartment. A few days later, their vehicles arrived. If I was impressed by their furniture and electronics before, I was shocked by what they drove into the parking lot. A BMW Z4 convertible, a Cadillac Escalade, and a Ford Lightning. By appearances, these cars were all fully loaded. By my calculations, these three men have about $125,000 worth of automobiles, and they live in a two bedroom apartment that rents for about $700 per month. What the hell? I started watching them and noticed some things during the weeks. First off, the cars have Texas plates. I looked at the backs of the cars, and they all appear to have been purchased in San Antonio. I then noticed that these dudes did not spend much time at their apartment. In fact, the Escalade (driven by the Indian) and the Lightning seemed to disappear anywhere from a few days to weeks at a time. They NEVER seem to talk to anybody in the neighborhood. Ever. I kicked around every thing I knew about these guys in my head, until I came to the only reasonable conclusion:

They are drug runners. It's really the only thing that makes sense.

#2: The In-Call Girl

Directly in my view when I walk out the door in the morning, is a house of prostitution. There lives a woman of 30 that has three kids (who do not look very much alike) ranging in age from about 5 to 8 years-old. I have slowly started to notice something odd about this place: Several times a day, a man or two would walk into the house, and the kids would come outside to play. The kids would remain outside for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour, until then door opened and the man or men left. Hmm. Not too hard to figure out what is going on in there.

I walked over to das haus des spaßes tonight. It turns out I was right. She is indeed a prostitute. When I came back home, 20 minutes later and $25 poorer, I jumped in the shower, took some some amoxicillin, then sat down to write this post.

#3: The Upstairs Blonde

There is this blonde 21 year-old woman that lives upstairs. She had a female brunette roommate until about 3 weeks ago, but the brunette moved out because her boyfriend kept cheating on her with the blonde roommate. Since the brunette moved out, the blonde has really changed her look. Gone is the pseudo-redneck attire, the white hi-tops shoes and the 80's bangs. She's got a trendy new wardrobe, some new body jewelry, and a very nice haircut. Frankly, she's looking pretty hot. Thing about her is, she is screwing at least 3 different guys.

She has a boyfriend, and she is still banging the brunette's now ex-boyfriend, as well as this other dude that started showing up last week. New image and all, you only need one look into her eyes and "mattress back" instantly pops into your mind. To make matters worse, her "boyfriend" moved in about a 2 weeks after the brunette moved out, yet she is continuing to fuck these other two dudes. I assume the live-in is not aware of it yet, as the other oil drillers show up when the live-in's away.

Funny anecdote: Last Sunday I woke up at 1:30 am to hear a high-pitched vibration and a humming sound, combined with a rhythmic thump about every 5 seconds. I first thought one of the fans in my computer had malfunctioned, so I shut it down but the noises did not stop. I realized that the sound was coming from above. The blonde's bedroom. You can imagine what I was thinking. Relieved that my computer was not messed up, I returned to bed. I then heard the humming and vibration cease, with the typical wind-down noises of a vacuum cleaner. I then hear the sounds of furniture being moved about. I laughed to my self thinking, as I fell a slumber, how I found it more strange that wart-crotch was cleaning her house at 1:30 am rather then humping a gigantic vibrating dildo.

This afternoon when the MoD and I were heading out to Hooters, the blonde pulled up and walked up to her place. This is what I heard:

"Damn Tommy, she's hot and all, but I bet when she goes to the doctor, they have to handle her blood in those blue bio-hazard suits. Iraq could have used her as a biological weapon."

Indeed. All hail the MoD.

-Tommy Masterson

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