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Sunday, June 19, 2005

Words with Two Meanings

Awhile back, I received a mass-email that was written by a woman describing the duel meanings of certain words and phrases in the context of a relationship blah, blah. I read it, then decided to make my own list...

More Words with Two Meanings:

1. SUV

Men: A vehicle for crossing rough terrain, mudding, etc.

Women: A birthright that is to be given upon nuptials; a device used to incite the hatred of male drivers and the envy of non-SUV driving women.

2. Harass

Women: Unwanted attention or sexual advances, excessive phone calls, etc.

Men: What you pat when the cute new office girl walks by.

3. Golf

Women: A dull sport that men spend a great deal of time playing.

Men: What we tell the wife we are going to do when we head out to the nudie bar.

4. Condom

Women: A birth control device used to reduce the risk of pregnancy and STD’s during sexual intercourse.

Men: A cost-saving, though restrictive and desensitizing device that is far cheaper then antibiotics or a new identity and a one-way ticket to Brazil.

5. Mauve

Women: A light to medium purple.

Men: A desert in California

6. Jesus

Men: The biblical son of god.

Women: The cute new waiter at Applebee’s

7. Universe

Men: The space in that all matter and energy resides.

Women: What they think they are the center of.

8. Priest

Women: A Catholic holy man, a teacher of Catholic Christian doctrine.

Men: The protagonist from the Blaxploitaion movie “Superfly.”

9. Life

Women: The physical state of existence, a biological organism.

Men: A meter on a computer game that determines how many times you can be shot.

10. Diamond

Women: A crystalline, refractive stone that is used to enhance beauty or to proclaim status among other women.

Men: A crystalline, refractive stone that is purchased for a woman for the purpose of inducing her to have sex. A stripper we go to see when we tell the woman we are going to play golf.

If anybody has anymore ideas, please e-mail them to me, I would like to start a collection of them.

Ooooh. I almost forgot…he said she said….

She said: I need a commitment from you.

He said: And I need one from you…please sign your name to this pre-nup.

She said: Why do you fall asleep after we have sex?

He said: Well, why do you fall asleep when I’m watching golf?

She said: I think we should see other people.

He said: You’re right. Me and the boy’s need something new to talk about at the bar.

She said: I’m pregnant.

He said: No hablo ingles.

She said: I think that men don’t respect the brains of women.

He said: Women don’t need brains.

She said: WHAT!?!?!

He said: Women don’t need brains, because a brain can’t suck a di…….

-Tommy Masterson


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