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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A New Poem

Arrogant Wish List
By Tommy

I hope Western Europe becomes Islamized
Free speech will be no more
Liberals will cower beneath their homes
And wonder what went wrong

I hope the US becomes socialist, to appease the worlds opinion
The economy will crash, with no backlash
Because they took our guns

Oh! That day when America falls
The world will cheer, for all to hear
And to hell with kingdom come
But when they starve, from our socialized farms
It will already be too late

When your grandchildren ask why this was
And wonders how it could be
Look in their eyes with no remorse and say

You control your fate

-Tommy Masterson


Blogger ordinarygirl said...

The poem is mostly free verse. It does have some meter to it, but it's a bit uneven. I'm not sure why you put "to appease the" on the same line, but maybe you're trying to emphasize it. It defintely stands out.

I'd almost put the two lines of:

"But when they starve, from our socialized farms
It will already be too late"

on the next stanza. It fits in better there. But maybe you wanted them to be a little jarring and that's why you put them where they are.

You also use some rhyme, mostly within a line. For example, crash and lash, hear and cheer. It makes the poem flow a bit better, but not too much to make it sound sing-songy and too light.

I'm not sure about the ending. Perhaps you're being ironic? "You control your fate", and yet the rest of the poem is out of your control. If so, that's an intersting ending.

In fact, the entire poem could be considered sarcasm since you don't in fact hope for the things that follow "I hope". The ending is a little over-dramatic in the whole "think of the children" scheme of things, which been overused to the point where it doesn't make an impact anymore.

2/28/2007 9:02 AM  
Blogger Venjanz said...

Sarcasm?! Me? Naaaa...

3/01/2007 11:34 PM  
Anonymous mod said...

well, its not Dethclok...but I guess its sort of metal.

3/02/2007 8:52 AM  

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