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Monday, September 10, 2007

Funny Mass E-Mail

I received this from a good friend of mine tonight. This is a parody of "you might be a red-neck..." focusing on Kansas City. I added some commentary, but there is too much explain if you have never lived here:

You know you are from Kansas City when...

... you know that Kansas City is actually two cities in two states, Kansas and Missouri, and you make sure people know which one you're from.

... you still call it Sandstone. [-now named "Verizon Wireless Amphitheater"]

... you see a KU sticker with Johnson County tags and you know the ego of the person inside is even more over-inflated than the tires of the SUV they are driving. [-we Johnson County folks get WAY too much flak]

... your airport is known as KCI (Kansas City International Airport) yet,
the airport code is MCI. [-it was first named Mid-Continent International]

... you've given the following answers: "Yes, we have tornados." and "No,
I don't know Dorothy."

... you set off enough fireworks to blow up small countries every year on the fourth of July, even though all the news stations remind you "they're cracking down this year."

... you've barhopped in Westport. [-mini San Francisco district]

...you know who Johnny Dare is and you wonder what happened between
him and Murphy. [-local crazy radio "morning zoo" hosts]

... one of your guilty pleasures is Go Chicken Go, despite how disgusting
it really is. Mmm..Gizzards [-they have one of these slop-houses in town?]

... you whined through the 90's about Marty Ball and now wish he was back
so the Chiefs could at least make it to the playoffs. [-so?]

... you know who Belly Boy is. [-a Chiefs super-fan]

... you know better than to try and drive through "the triangle" at rush
hour. [-highway interchange]

... you know Leawood sucks. [-the very wealthy live there]

... you've said "but we were in Missouri, so the cops will just let us go"

... you have had some of the best bbq in your life... at a gas station.

... you know who Tech N9ne is, and freak out during "We reppin KCMO, the
fellas and the ladies know" [-Tech N9ne is the local rap hero]

... the term "the Dot" itself has made you laugh. [-LOL Wyandotte County, KCK]

... you brag you're from the Missouri side.

... you keep the fact that you're from KCK a secret.

... Wyandotte County confuses the hell out of you.

... the words Kin Lin and you suddenly crave Chinese food [-don't know this one]

... you've eaten a meal that was delivered to you by a model train. [?]

... you and your friends have been talking about stealing a 69 South sign
for years.

... you are wary of "Flush Creek" I mean Brush Creek. [-a "creek" that runs though KC that is notorious for flash-flood deaths]

... you know the following numbers: 648-8888 and 321-2277 (and can sing
the accompanying songs). [-ROFL Pizza Hut and Mid-Western Remodeling]

... you spent a full day learning how life works at Exchange City or got
your "teamwork" on at Adventure Woods. [-went to Exchange City in the 5th grade... sorta like the new CBS reality show "Kid Town" er whatever]

... you've stood in line for hours to buy a dual pass for The Edge of Hell
and The Beast and complained about how bad the Beast sucked afterwards [-these are haunted houses]

... you've been to Kaleidoscope (and still want to go back). [-yeah hehe]

... you've ridiculed the giant shuttlecock sculptures on the lawn of the
Nelson Atkins Museum of Art to your local friends, but defended them to
out-of-towners. [-no, it's shitty art]

... you've bragged to others how close you live to the Meth capital of the
world, but thank God its still far away enough to not make you feel like
white trash. [-Independence, MO]

... you're mad because Nebraska Furniture Mart used to delivery to Kansas City
for free, all the way from Omaha, but now that they have a big new
NFM store right here in KC, you have to pay for delivery.

...you know the Royals suck, but you refuse to let any Cardinals fan
forget about the 1985 world series.

... you know that KC has a Jazz District down at 18th and Vine, even if
you've never been there.

... you can't find a steak worthy of your pallette outside of KC. [-so true]

... you know that if you don't get to Suicide Hill by 8 AM, you're gonna
get nothing but dirt.

... you know the name Buck O'Neil needs to be in the Baseball Hall of
Fame....NOW.

... you know that Union Station wasn't always so lame.

...you've had Brian Busby come to your school to talk about Weather. [-Local weather man for ABC, almost too over on GMA. He came to mine to play the timpany drums, though]

... you've played football on the median of Ward Parkway.

... you think Winsteads craps all over Steak and Shake in Quality and
Taste. [-oh yeah]

... you've celebrated the turning on of christmas lights with about
100,000 other drunk people... every year.

... you take the back way to Kauffman/Arrowhead by passing by LC's
Barbeque.

... you've drank at Loose Park at night.

... on nights when you feel like being classy, you drink Boulevard Wheat
with a lemon.---SO WHAT- [-Boulevard is a local brew, not bad]

... it can take you up to 45 minutes to get to a friends house, without
traffic.

... you remember Bob "The Hammer" Hamlin. [-KC Royals joke]

... one word: Comets. [- 80's indoor soccer team]

... you know who the "Nigerian Nightmare" is. [-Christian Okoye, Chiefs running back]

... you went to Waldo Pizza/Imo's/Minsky's/Uno's before a dance.-YUM-O

... you tell visitors that your city is the "City of Fountains" and they
look at you blankly because no one outside of the city has EVER heard it
called that, even though we do have over 200 fountains sprinkled
throughout the city.

... you think Johnson County folks are a bit pretentious (even if you are
one). [-so what?]

...if you live on the Kansas side, you think Missouri drivers are pokey
and frustrating. If you live on the Missouri side, you think Kansas drivers are
crazy and erratic.

If you can remember crusin' The Fe in O town (Santa Fe in Olathe that is) or
Noland in Independence, getting harrassed and chased off by cops and still you
went back. [-nice]

2 Comments:

Anonymous mod said...

Ha!

You know, I always loved that the only thing people can think to dog on where we're from (Johnson County) is that it's too nice and has too much money. OOOH noo! Don't say that, it hurts so bad, the shame! The shame!

Another note, Tech N9ne was also featured on the 57th Street Rogue Dog Villanz hit song, "Let's Get Fucked Up."

9/10/2007 10:50 PM  
Blogger ordinarygirl said...

>... you've eaten a meal that was delivered to you by a model train. [?]<

There's a restaurant in Crown Center that has a train running along the ceiling. They deliver your food in a train car to your table. It's a fun novelty once, but the crowds and the noise aren't.

This sounds like it was written by someone who lives in KCM. It's not better unless you like being cheated by your local government and having your taxes wasted.

9/12/2007 7:05 AM  

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