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Friday, July 08, 2005

Escort Review: Candy

I felt a bit lonely after “WWE Smackdown!” tonight. Jess is out of town, so I decided to call the ye’ ole’ escort service.

My mother used to say:
“Hookers are like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna git...”

I called up “Victorian Dreams” and requested a date. After they called back and verified my identity, they asked me what I was looking for. I told them I wanted a medium to tall short-haired Asian. VD told me no Asians were available until 3am.

Fuck, plan B.

I told VD that my next choice was a tall red-head. The nice lady told me that my date would be over in 20 minutes,

“Great,” I replied.

“Candy” arrived 40 minutes later in tow with a meth addled toothless “bodyguard.” Candy was indeed a tall red-head. She had on a short black dress with black thigh-high stockings. I would judge Candy's age to be about 25; however with the lines in her face she appeared to be at least 30. We negotiated the price; $100 per hour, and Candy sent the bodyguard out to the 2000 Chevy Impala.

Being the gentleman that I am, I offered Candy a drink, and tried to get to know my lady a bit before I rammed her. She told me that she had been in KC for a month, and was escorting so she could pay her way through law school. I thought that was the funniest shit ever, and I laughed so hard that my rum and coke shot explosively out of my nose. Candy seemed offended by my outburst, so I explained why I found her statement so ironic. She started laughing too...what a gal!

Candy told me that she was from Alabama, and had 2 brothers, and…this is about when I stopped listening. When Candy finally shut up, I told her that she may be more comfortable without her tight dress on. Candy slowly took it off, and then posed in her black bra, panties and stockings. The bitch looked good, but I noticed that she hadn’t shaved her “area” in a few weeks, and there also seemed to be a strange odor wafting from her direction: Sort of mix between Wal-Mart perfume, sweat, and antibiotic ointment. I also noticed that the shape of Candy's hips indicated that she was a mother. This was not unexpected, of course.

I asked Candy to dance for me, so she did. Very erotic, especially considering that she had no music to dance to. After watching Candy gyrate her body for awhile, I noticed that 30 minutes had passed, so I decided that I needed to wrap this up soon to avoid getting fucked and screwed at the same time. I told Candy to take off her bra, (she was about a 36C) and to have a seat. With a devious blue-eyed and lavender-lipped smile, she swayed over to me, and sat on my lap. The rest is history.

The Review:
Candy: “Victorian Dreams”
(Out of 5)
Body: 3.5
Personality: 5
Technique: 3
Outfit: 4
Scent: 2
Hygene: 1.5
Cost/Time: $100/hr X 1.33/hr=$133
Round-up: $7 (tip)
Total cost: $140

Comments: Candy was above expectations. I would say she was worth the $140. While her pubic area would benefit from a razor and a wash, Candy was otherwise acceptable for the cost. Standard but well executed technique, appropriate moans, etc.

Overall rating: 3.2 out of 5

I will review more escorts as I buy them.

-Tommy Masterson


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