Fuck the ESRB

The news that the ESRB hanged an “Adults Only” tag on GTA: San Andreas may be the most idiotic thing I have ever read in my entire life. In a game where it is virtually impossible to play for more then 30 seconds without committing a murder, they put this game on the same shelf as “Virgin College Sluts 7,” because of “graphic sexual content.” I checked my progress on GTA last night. With 25% of the game completed, I had killed 65 cops, 167 gang members, and 534 civilians. At this rate, by the time I have completed the game, I will have killed more people in GTA then were killed in the 9/11 attacks. But the game gets an “Adult” rating because of a dry-humping mini-game that was disabled and you have to actively seek a patch from a 3rd party to get it to work? God bless America!

If any of you have San Andreas with the “Hot Coffee” patch, and have witnessed this “graphic sexual content,” I ask what is so graphic about it? The sex scenes in any Cinamax “After-Dark” movie are like a gaping anus hermaphrodite movie in comparison. Keep your copies of this version of San Andreas. I have a feeling they will be worth a lot on E-Bay in a couple of years.

-Tommy Masterson