Some Bullshit

I like to buy cheap cars. I don’t feel the need to tweak my life-style just so I can afford a “sweet ride.” A car to me is a tool; a device I use to transport me where I need to be. Don’t get me wrong: I love cars. I could go on forever about Trans-Am’s, and horse-power, and quarter-mile times, etc. However, I am also a practicalist. No matter how much I revere a machine, (like my computer) if it does what I want, then it’s good enough. If it looks great, but does nothing useful, then it’s of no use to me. Take my woman for example. Tonight I needed to pop one off, so I put on the Barry White and got her ready. After some warm-up, I lit the pimp-candles and did my thing. When I was done, I stoked a Marlboro Light, sat up, and pulled the plug to let my baby deflate. When “Stormy Weathers” went flat, I rolled her up and put her back in the box that she was shipped in, and slipped her back under my bed.

“Stormy” is a device that works, and one that I will continue to use, so long as it is practical to do so. I will continue to buy cheap cars, so long as it is practical to do so.

What has happened over the last two weeks is a perfect example of Murphy’s Law. Let’s say, that you buy a car from your best friend for cheap that needs some minor repairs. The car is very fuel efficient and has a track record of being reliable. What are some outcomes that might happen?

1. The repairs go smoothly and you register your vehicle normally.
2. The repairs fail, and you have to spend 3X as much money at the shop.
3. The repairs go smoothly, but you discover a more serious mechanical fault.
4. The repairs go smoothly, but your friend really never owned the car, so after you spent hundreds of dollars to repair and insure your new car, you find out the car is sill under lien from years ago, and can not be registered in your name because you need a lien holders release from the original lender, but they won’t give you one because the person that sold the car fraudulently to your friend defaulted on the loan and now refuses to take responsibility.

Number 1-3 are all very likely, but number 4 could never happen, right…right?

Repayment to me by the party responsible for this debacle will include grape-feeding and fanning with palm leafs, while I lay clad in an Arabic dish-dash, sipping on a rum-and-coke. You know who are.

-Tommy Masterson.