(function() { (function(){function c(a){this.t={};this.tick=function(a,c,b){var d=void 0!=b?b:(new Date).getTime();this.t[a]=[d,c];if(void 0==b)try{window.console.timeStamp("CSI/"+a)}catch(l){}};this.tick("start",null,a)}var a,e;window.performance&&(e=(a=window.performance.timing)&&a.responseStart);var h=0=b&&(window.jstiming.srt=e-b)}if(a){var d=window.jstiming.load;0=b&&(d.tick("_wtsrt",void 0,b),d.tick("wtsrt_","_wtsrt", e),d.tick("tbsd_","wtsrt_"))}try{a=null,window.chrome&&window.chrome.csi&&(a=Math.floor(window.chrome.csi().pageT),d&&0=c&&window.jstiming.load.tick("aft")};var f=!1;function g(){f||(f=!0,window.jstiming.load.tick("firstScrollTime"))}window.addEventListener?window.addEventListener("scroll",g,!1):window.attachEvent("onscroll",g); })();

Saturday, August 27, 2005

How Much Fun Can You Have for $43.40?

Today at 1/2 Price Books, I spent $43.40. For this I got the movies Bedazzled and The Outlaw Josey Wales, both on DVD! I also got three computer games. Knights of the Old Republic, Politika, and Master of Orion. But the coup de gras was a non-fiction book by Richard Preston, (he wrote The Hot Zone) The Demon in the Freezer.

I worked a very hard two hours this week to get this 100+ hours of entertainment!

Tommy Masterson

P.S. I am calling “Victorian Dreams” now to see if they have an Asian available. If they do, I will post a review on her performance later this morning

Read this, It will make you a better person

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Stop With The Gas Boycott Bullshit

Anybody with an email address has doubtless received umpteen thousand pieces of forwarded junk mail that contain some version of:

“Don’t buy gas on X date(s)!”
“Don’t buy gas from XYZ and PDQ they support Al-Quida!”
“Walk to work/ride you bike for a week!”

“For every gallon of gas you buy, an American soldier dies!”
“Increased gas prices lead to crack addiction and abortions,”

The list is fucking endless.

It’s time for a reality check. Are you familiar with the term TANSTAAFL? If you aren’t, then Google it.

The fact is the oil supply is finite and the demand is potentially infinite. Do you remember the Third Grade?


Now before you say “But Tommy! That proves that a boycott will lower prices,” let me remind you that petroleum companies are not non-profit organizations. Also remember that oil companies do not just make gasoline. They are out to make a buck, just like you are when you go to work in the morning, or haul your ass out of bed on the 1st to cash your welfare check. You also have to consider that about 30% of the per gallon price is government taxes. About 60% is the cost of the oil itself, and the rest breaks down into transport, (of the oil to the refinery and the gas to the station) marketing, and finally, the profit.

If gasoline consumption were to be decreased by half overnight, one of two things would happen, maybe both:

1:
The price of gas would increase to at least $8 per gallon. That would be the price needed to turn a profit, and the people that still wanted to drive, and could afford it would pay.


2: The price of every thing you buy including utilities, food and clothes would increase dramatically.


Goods are not transported across oceans using sailing ships and they are not shipped to stores using horses. They are transported using huge diesel powered ships, trains and trucks. Want to fly? Good luck paying that $3000 each way from Chicago to Dallas. Aircraft burn oil too. Food prices would sky-rocket. Other then transportation costs, which already take a good chunk out of the wallet, (or purse you goddamn feminist) many fertilizers are petrol-based. Fertilizers are used to grow food for both humans and livestock. All plastics are petrol-based. Think about the military…think about how much oil THEY use! Who do you think will pay for the increased cost of that in the form of new taxes? See where I’m going with this now?

Gasoline could be free in America, but then again…

TANSTAAFL!

Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Learn from the Master

Every vice is already a punishment in itself. There should be no such thing as a vice law; every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act. You smoke cigarettes you get cancer, you die you don’t need a ticket on top of it! You gamble, you loose your money; the house has the edge. You watch too much porno, it diminishes your taste for the girls that will actually fuck YOU!

-The Holy Prophet Doug Stanhope

Read this, It will make you a better person

My Movie

Here is the official poster for my new movie




















Im going to make millions...

-Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Underground Celeb Pics!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Start Using Firefox

I started using Mozilla Firefox as my web browser. The I.T. guys at work kept telling me I should use it, Maddox says you should use it, and I have heard nothing but good things about it...but it has still taken me almost a year to finally download it.

I have been using Mozilla for 2 hours now and I will never go back to IE.

http://www.mozilla.org/

-Tommy T

Read this, It will make you a better person

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Think You Can Steal On ME??

There is an on-site ATM at work that I use often because there is no charge for me to use it. I also have food delivered a few times a week to eat at my desk because I usually do not take a lunch break as there is too much work to do. It seems that I can neither simply get some money from the ATM nor carry food back to my desk without somebody saying something like this…

“Hey get some out for me!”
“You taking me on a date tonight?”
“So nice of you to get some money for me!”
“Oh, you didn’t have to buy me lunch!”

I have even had somebody stand beside me, holding out their palm, while the ATM was dispensing cash.

Here is a bomb for you…everybody who has made a comment like that was woman.

The good-faith part of me wants to say that it’s all in good fun, but it’s not, and I know it. So do the women. No man would ever say something like that to another man…ever. Why can I not do something simple like buying food or withdrawing money without some parasite approaching me “joking” about giving them a hand-out?

This week while I was getting some cash out, a chick walked by and said,

“Tommy! Get forty out for me, baby,”

I was in a bad mood anyway, so I said in a raised voice,
“Why the fuck can’t I get money from the goddamned ATM without some woman coming up and trying to take it away from me? What is this, divorce court?”
The woman had a hurt look on her face and the other women that heard what I said looked kind of shocked, but the reaction from the men was most interesting. There were three that had heard what I said.

One was a twenty-one year old black dude that is one of the funniest people that I have ever met. He looked at me, then at the woman that had made the original comment, then sifted back to me and slowly shook his head as if to say, “I hear you bro.”

The second was a man in his mid thirties that was twice divorced. He cracked a shit-eating grin then doubled over laughing.

The last dude that heard me I did not know, but he was shooting a lecherous grin at the woman that had made the comment. I found out later that they knew each other well, and he me that she was known as a “playa.” More cocks in the coop then a Tyson slaughterhouse.

I glared at everybody, got my cash, and then stalked back to my desk muttering under my breath the whole way.

As the MOD said after watching an episode of Jerry Springer, “We deserve an asteroid.”

Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Some More Poison

According to my file log, I wrote this on October 13th, 2003. I still have folders of more stuff like this, and I will post them from time to time.

Slut Entropy Explained
By Tommy T

I write this as more a guide for men, because the subject almost exclusively applies to women. In past writings I have used this term without explanation, and have answered questions about it personally. Basically it describes a mental/emotional state that women seem to gravitate to after a major break-up (fiancé, long-term boyfriend, husband, etc.) The reasons for this are as varied as the women who experience this phase of life, but understand; the moon orbits earth, the earth orbits the sun, and a dumped woman is like an F-5 tornado to an Oklahoma trailer park. It happens. When it happens you are going to have to deal with either an ex that is fucking all your friends and tells you about it (your buddies won’t,) starts getting drunk and high all the time…and fucking guys you don’t know, or you’re a friend* to a woman that is going through this. She will cry on your shoulder. You will hold her in your arms while sending mental commands to your penis to stand down, (unsuccessfully.) When you hold her close, and she feels the captain-at-the-ready, she will do one of three things:
1) Pretend not to notice
2) Cock tease you into performing favors and bullshit tasks for her.
3) Have sex with you, and utterly destroy your ego-build world…then pull a #2 on you for as long as she can play it out.

As you can see, depending on the woman’s moral stance when the break-up occurs largely influences what degree and to what direction her ego will take her. I like to say that a woman’s morality is inversely proportionate to the depth of the emotional wound. You be the judge.

On the Re-bound: The Ultimate Danger


Men, let me tell you this. Playing a woman off the rebound is a futile and self-destructive strategy. I realize that it often results in gettin’ laid, however please notice that I use no metaphors here. I am dead serious about this. You keep this up fellas and you will be bankrupt eventually. Emotionally, spiritually, morally, and financially. Get your cock wet, sell your soul is what it comes down to. At least that’s the way it was, these days you’re more likely to catch Chlamydia or Herpes. Hey your choice. Just don’t bitch when I come to your baby’s momma’s house for a reparation blow-job. If my taxes go to pay for your illegitimate welfare child, I figure I am owed that much at least.

Is she in “Slut Entropy?”

Did she just break up with somebody special to her? Then YES she is or will be very soon. You will know. Your cock-hardened heart will warm at the mention of her break-up. Go ahead; put your comforting arm around her. Stroke her hair and tell her you understand. She understands perfectly that you are trying to have sex with her. She will put the slave ring around your neck, and lead you around like a toy poodle. I say this as a warning to my fellow man, not as a sweeping indictment to females who have recently broken up with their “men.” I understand that not all women behave as I have described. A large percentage do however, large enough to compel me to write this.

It is apparent to me that the longer a woman is in a committed relationship, that when it ends, the degree of Slut Entropy increases.

I will have to re-write this some time. I think I made some good points but did not express them as well as I would have liked.

Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I am Going to Quit My Job

I keep reading about all the people that continue to be suckered by the Nigerian letter scam and the email love letter. I can make a lot of money doing this, so I think I will get in on the action. Here is a first draft of the letter I plan to send:

Dear American Friend:

I read about your profile on-line. I am decided to send you this email because I am love with you. Here is picture of me.

I wish to visit United States so can I have freedome. My father wished me to marry the man he choose so I run away. I am working as cook in restaurant and hotel in Bratislava for room and food. I get to use to internet to, when no guest wish to. Please help me I am lonely and broke. I am only 20 and do not have many work skills. I want to see more of you, you are hot! My last boyfriend was rich jerk from New York. He say he take me to America but he just say that so I go to bed with him. I did and he left and did not take me. I want to talk to you but don’t trust much. You not do that to me, yes? I make good woman. I can cook and clean and if you do not be with other woman I not be with other man.

Air ticket is not many dollars. I need to buy here though for customs reasons. Please to let me use you name and credit card number to buy ticket here so I can come see you! I love your picture and profile. You may be right man for me. Can I come CU? Please do not hurt my feeling like last American I met did. I wish to be a American, but I need help to get to USA to see you. America is greatest country on earth.

Well let me know what you think of me. Please not to say anything mean to me, I not mean to you, yes? Can we be good friends?

I wish to hear from you soon!

-Anastasia K.

Ps. Please mail me more pics of you. I think you are very cute!

Whats really sad about this is that I know it would work on some people. I busted that out in 10 minutes. Something to think about, yes?

-Tommy Masterson





Read this, It will make you a better person

I Found Some Old Toys


I was cleaning out some stuff in my store room today and I found some of my favorite action figures and vehicles that I used to play with when I was a kid. I thought I would share them with you to bring back some memories.





Read this, It will make you a better person

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Some Thoughts I Had Today


By Tommy-T

Marriage is a wounded, bleeding corps on the battlefield of the sexes. Somebody needs to come along and give it the coup de gras.

Why do people think they are so goddamned important?

A world war is going to be fought over oil by 2015.

This season is the last chance for several years that the Chiefs have to win a Super Bowl.

Why is it that every woman that I am interested in, or visa/versa, turns out to be a hedonistic degenerate, insane or both?

Smoking DOES NOT cause lung cancer. Period.

If there is to be a nuclear war, I will not bravely “stand there and let one hit me,” no! I will cower in the deepest bunker I can find and survive. Goddamn, remember Fallout and Fallout 2? Shit, I’m gonna be the Vault Dweller, The Road Warrior...yeah that would be the shit…

It would suck to have Ebola.

Must I do ALL the thinking for the entire human race?

Damn…that bitch needs to come over to the dark side so I can show her the true power of the force.

The damn space shuttle is not going to disintegrate because of a 1” piece of padding sticking out between the tiles.

Black people and white people need to stop walking on egg shells when they talk to each other. It should be a law that everybody has to tell a racial joke to somebody not of their race once per day.

I should be President of the World.

If we were capable of inter-stellar travel, would we bother contacting primitive alien cultures?

Its 2005, where is my flying car? Where is by robo-maid? What year was “Runaway” supposed to take place in?

America should team up with Russia and take out the Chinese before it’s too late. Fuck them; I can buy my clothes from the ROK or Indonesia.

I love summertime in KC... It’s hot and humid, and the women are… dressing accordingly. ‘Cept for Japan, per-capita the best looking women in the world live in KC.

-Tommy Masterson

Read this, It will make you a better person

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Oops...


Somebody forgot to do their homework...

©2002 by Jack T. Chick LLC


©2002 by Jack T. Chick LLC




Even Jesus was embarrassed when Jack Chick published "Big Daddy."

Gluons were first conclusively proven to exist in 1979, though the theory of strong interactions (known as QCD) had predicted their existence earlier.

Gluons were detected by the jets of hadronic particles they produce in a particle detector soon after they are first created. In particular, at the PETRA collider at the DESY facility in Hamburg, Germany positrons and electrons were collided producing an intermediate photon that then produced a quark and an anti-quark as it decayed. This process results in two jets of hadronic particles as the quarks form hadrons. Sometimes one of the final-state quarks radiates a gluon just before it "hadronizes" (that is, forms into hadrons such as protons, pions, neutrons, etc.). This gluon will form a jet of its own, producing an event with three jets, instead of the usual two.

Four different detectors at PETRA in 1979 reported observing the three-jet events with just the right frequency and just the right characteristics to be consistent with gluon production. Later experiments at CERN and Fermilab confirmed these results.
One of the original papers that reported the three jet events is in Physical Review Letters, volume 43, page 830. A more detailed discussion can be found in the Cahn and Goldhaber book "Experimental Foundations of Particle Physics."


-Brent Nelson, Ph.D., Research Fellow, University of Michigan



Read this, It will make you a better person