Think You Can Steal On ME??

There is an on-site ATM at work that I use often because there is no charge for me to use it. I also have food delivered a few times a week to eat at my desk because I usually do not take a lunch break as there is too much work to do. It seems that I can neither simply get some money from the ATM nor carry food back to my desk without somebody saying something like this…

“Hey get some out for me!”
“You taking me on a date tonight?”
“So nice of you to get some money for me!”
“Oh, you didn’t have to buy me lunch!”

I have even had somebody stand beside me, holding out their palm, while the ATM was dispensing cash.

Here is a bomb for you…everybody who has made a comment like that was woman.

The good-faith part of me wants to say that it’s all in good fun, but it’s not, and I know it. So do the women. No man would ever say something like that to another man…ever. Why can I not do something simple like buying food or withdrawing money without some parasite approaching me “joking” about giving them a hand-out?

This week while I was getting some cash out, a chick walked by and said,

“Tommy! Get forty out for me, baby,”

I was in a bad mood anyway, so I said in a raised voice,
“Why the fuck can’t I get money from the goddamned ATM without some woman coming up and trying to take it away from me? What is this, divorce court?”
The woman had a hurt look on her face and the other women that heard what I said looked kind of shocked, but the reaction from the men was most interesting. There were three that had heard what I said.

One was a twenty-one year old black dude that is one of the funniest people that I have ever met. He looked at me, then at the woman that had made the original comment, then sifted back to me and slowly shook his head as if to say, “I hear you bro.”

The second was a man in his mid thirties that was twice divorced. He cracked a shit-eating grin then doubled over laughing.

The last dude that heard me I did not know, but he was shooting a lecherous grin at the woman that had made the comment. I found out later that they knew each other well, and he me that she was known as a “playa.” More cocks in the coop then a Tyson slaughterhouse.

I glared at everybody, got my cash, and then stalked back to my desk muttering under my breath the whole way.

As the MOD said after watching an episode of Jerry Springer, “We deserve an asteroid.”

Tommy Masterson