How I Became a Conservative

I’m not really a "true" conservative, just an arrogent conservative-leaning Libertarian. I went to public school, and like most youths that are indoctrinated for 12 years by liberal teachers I was myself, at one time, very liberal; because you can afford to be a liberal when you have no social responsibility. However even in my youth, I listened to Rush Limbaugh, I thought Ron Reagan was a living God (I’m sure he was now), and joined the ROTC. My parents did nothing to encourage my behavior, I just loved Ron and Rush and the military because I was and am and always will be a patriotic American that loves my country... no more no less. 1996 was the first year I was old enough to vote in a presidential election, and I voted for Clinton. I already considered myself a Libritarian at that point, (even though I did not know exactly what that ment) but The Boss, Ross Perot decided not to run again, mores the pity. I didn’t vote for Bob Dole because I thought he was too old to be the president. This is just a bit of background.

I very much remember the morning I knew in my heart that I was politically conservative. It was a sunny spring day in April 1995, just 24 hours before Tim McVey and Terry Nichols blew up the Murrah building in Oklahoma City with their Rider truck. I was sitting in my computer science class, and this girl announced to the entire class that she was pregnant. One of my fellow classmates told the preggo: “You should become a baby machine to get welfare money, and you never have to work again,” and I EXPLODED... not unlike Tim's rented truck.

I stood up and told them both that I am not paying taxes to buy their lazy asses an apartment and food because they don’t want to work. I told them both that I was going to have them arrested for theft, and said many other colorful things about their humanity and questionable parentage. I threatened a massive lawsuit on behalf of the American People.

I did not get in trouble for my political incorrectness, because the teacher was away (probably drinking a latte), and the rest of the students, well, agreed with me and were also upset. They continued the attack on the two shrews where I had left off. I looked the preggo up the other day (I find people for a living) and apparently she took the advice of her classmate to heart. I found that she still lived with her parents and now has 4 kids by 3 different men, had been arrested several times for prostitution and possession of narcotics, subjected to court-ordered drug rehab twice… basically she's a worthless burden on society. I feel sorry for her kids because God knows what they are learning at the knee of this wretch, but...

Anyway...

To clear things up, this is where I stand on some issues:

Social:
1: I support the legalization of pot and certain other drugs
2: I support gay marriage (if they want the government to regulate their relationship, fuck um, they’re as stupid as they are ignorant)
3: I oppose all smoking bans, and bans on Trans fat… bans on anything, really
4: I am “pro-life”, but support stem cell research
5: The First Amendment means that you have the right to practice whatever religion you want to practice, without government regulation, or none, unless your religion infringes on the rights of other people (Muslims and other cultists, please read that again). The press has the right to report anything, as long as it is the truth. You can have a protest, a peaceful one. For the common American, you can say just about whatever you want. You can contact the government and bitch if you don’t like things
6: I oppose the death penalty in all cases; section 1 of the 14th Amendment needs to be amended.

Fiscal/ Political:
1: The income tax should be eliminated
2: Welfare and other social programs should be stopped. You can not have open boarders and a welfare state and expect to survive as a nation
3. Affirmative Action is a disgrace to all races that should be ended
4: Build the wall on the Mexican border, deport the non-violent illegal immigrant criminals in our prisons, and use the Army to defend the border with Mexico
5: End lifetime appointments for Supreme Court and Appellate Court judges
6: I support term limits for Senators and Congressmen…er CongressPEOPLE, excuse me
7: Stop giving monetary aid to countries that refuse to help themselves or do not support American values
8. Use the Army and/or our nuclear arsenal to stop radical Islam
9: Again, the 14th Amendment needs a change in section 1: The part that states any person born in the United States is automatically a citizen. Slavery ended 160 years ago

I am by no means alone here. There is an axiom in American politics when it comes to voting for the President that goes somthing like this: '40% always vote Democrat, 40% always vote Republican. It's the other 20% whom control the country.' I can't wait for the 2008 elections.

-Tommy Masterson