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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Anti-Catholic Children's Novel Heading For The Big Screen

The Golden Compass, a new film based on the novel Northern Lights by Philip Pullman is set for release on December 7th. This children's novel and now film has been the subject of much controversy and protest by Christian groups due to it's perceived anti-Catholic and pro-Atheism themes. In a statement from the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI stated:
"This disgusting book and now film is a gave insult to all Christians and the Holy Father. We Christians will not stand by and let this filth from the Atheist Left infect our Children. I am issuing an edict calling for the death of Philip Pullman, the bombing of all stores that sell this book, the theaters that show this movie. Furthermore, any magazine, radio, or television station that carries advertisements for this blasphemy will also suffer the wrath of our Holy Warriors, if not from God himself.

The Vatican will pay $5,000,000 to whichever of the faithful brings me this heretics head."
Shortly after his message was broadcast, Christian youths across Europe took to the streets and firebombed hundreds of cars, and smashed the windows of local book stores and theaters. Piles of the books and movie posters were burned, while barricades were erected to slow riot police. Youths brandishing crosses and bibles were filmed in Rome throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails at police, while shouts of "Death to Pullman!" and "Praise Jesus!" filled the air.

In Paris, an elderly woman was stabbed and killed by a youth as she was leaving a book store. Witnesses said the suspect was screaming "Death to the heretic!" as he plunged the knife in her chest multiple times.

Phillip Pullman is in hiding at an undisclosed location until the crisis is over.

A government spokes person whom wished to remain anonymous stated that the riots were "mostly sparked by a high unemployment rate and a few troublemakers- this has nothing to do with religion."


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