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Friday, October 28, 2005

Easy Paper on the 31st


Many companies allow employees to dress up in costume on or
around Halloween. My place of work is no different. Since Halloween falls on Monday this year, we get to dress up on Monday. I will not be dressing up, as I think that it’s silly, but I do not look down on people that do. Hey it’s all in good fun, and I enjoy seeing the outfits that people I regard as half-wits can put together for my amusement. There is an exception however. It is a costume that has seen an exponential increase in use for the last ten years. Components of this costume, nay full outfits, can now be found in almost any store. White guys rub their hands manically at their original and non-racist idea, and black guys for one day get to be something their not. It has been proven that 1 in 3 men under the age of 30 have at one time put on this costume for Halloween, and 5 out of 7 white men put on this costume every other year. Crushed velvet suit, large chains, a huge fedora, a cobra head cane… oh yes my friend, every year on October 31st, strutting into work is:


THE PIMP

The most dreaded of ghouls. I have a betting pool going at work where you can guess the number of guys in pimp outfits that will show up on Monday. There are 17 men in my office, (including myself) and I have guessed that 6 will dress in pimp or quasi-pimp regalia. You should start a pool at work to make some quick money using this simple calculation:

(M*.7)*.5=P
M=Males at work, P=Total Pimp Costumes (round up)

So if you have 30 males at work, you can expect 11 to show up as pimps.

I have a theory on the pimp costume phenomenon. To many 21st century men, the pimp is the epitome of manhood. The stereotypical pimp is tough, rich, stylish, smooth, and has good taste. The pimp can get laid on a whim if not at will. The pimp sells sex for a living, and does not have to answer to anybody. The pimp is in charge of all those around him. The pimp is the envy of every other man. What man wouldn’t want this life style?

Few men have what it takes to be a pimp in real life. Ice-T (Tracy Marrow) wrote a great description of pimps in his book, The Ice Opinion. In The Autobiography of Malcolm X, one of Malcolm’s best friends in Harlem is a pimp, and he writes about him in length. The whole Halloween pimp phenomenon is nothing more then an adult version of a childhood fantasy. When males are young, what do they want to dress up as? Ninja’s, pirate’s, Darth Vader, etc. People that they perceive to have great power over their own destiny and over other’s. All humans are almost universally “control freaks,” and this behavior is ingrained in our genes.

-Tommy (Trick Masta Tommy Flash) Masterson.


7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOUR THE MAN MASTERSON!PIMPLIEEEF!

10/28/2005 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post asshole. You are a hipocite! Ware was your "pimp attitude" when you paid for my abortion1?!? Well? Fuck you Tommy;

Jessica

10/29/2005 12:23 AM  
Blogger Venjanz said...

OMG ok this was amusing before, but for real, stop posting BS on the blog. If you have a prob with me,you know how to get a hold of me.

Tommy

10/29/2005 12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey you forgot Dracula / vampires :) They can just mind control all the girls - have their way with them - and then turn them into their sexy, immortal slaves. How bout that? :) Anyways, that was my fav. costume :) :) :)

V
... actually now that I think about it... undead guys were not really that sexy. Maybe that's why they had mind control? :)

10/29/2005 3:42 PM  
Blogger Venjanz said...

Verrow, all pimps have a form of mind control (even the undead ones):

$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Every one in America knows that a man's attractiveness is proportional to the size of his bank account. The majority of women “marry up,” that is actively seek a male that makes more money then them. She then uses sex to manipulate her way into a marriage contract for a big piece of his pie. You may not like how I worded that, but do not dispute that this is not true.

This is where the pimp differs from the normal law-abiding man. This is why every man wants to be a pimp. Most men do not have any will, and become “pussy whipped.” Most men know they are resigned to become “pussy whipped,” because they do not have the will to take charge. The pimp does take charge, and HE is in command. The pimp is not “pussy whipped:” The pimp whips the pussy. This attitude and glorification of pimps is a direct result of radical feminism.

The pimp can take attractive, morally agile women, and bend them to his will. The pimp image is a cultural middle finger to American Feminism.

10/30/2005 1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10/30/2005 3:23 AM  
Anonymous Verrow said...

Technically isnt it pretty much a husband? :)

10/31/2005 2:21 AM  

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