Easy Paper on the 31st

Many companies allow employees to dress up in costume on or
around Halloween. My place of work is no different. Since Halloween falls on Monday this year, we get to dress up on Monday. I will not be dressing up, as I think that it’s silly, but I do not look down on people that do. Hey it’s all in good fun, and I enjoy seeing the outfits that people I regard as half-wits can put together for my amusement. There is an exception however. It is a costume that has seen an exponential increase in use for the last ten years. Components of this costume, nay full outfits, can now be found in almost any store. White guys rub their hands manically at their original and non-racist idea, and black guys for one day get to be something their not. It has been proven that 1 in 3 men under the age of 30 have at one time put on this costume for Halloween, and 5 out of 7 white men put on this costume every other year. Crushed velvet suit, large chains, a huge fedora, a cobra head cane… oh yes my friend, every year on October 31^st, strutting into work is:

THE PIMP

The most dreaded of ghouls. I have a betting pool going at work where you can guess the number of guys in pimp outfits that will show up on Monday. There are 17 men in my office, (including myself) and I have guessed that 6 will dress in pimp or quasi-pimp regalia. You should start a pool at work to make some quick money using this simple calculation:

(M*.7)*.5=P
M=Males at work, P=Total Pimp Costumes (round up)

So if you have 30 males at work, you can expect 11 to show up as pimps.

I have a theory on the pimp costume phenomenon. To many 21^st century men, the pimp is the epitome of manhood. The stereotypical pimp is tough, rich, stylish, smooth, and has good taste. The pimp can get laid on a whim if not at will. The pimp sells sex for a living, and does not have to answer to anybody. The pimp is in charge of all those around him. The pimp is the envy of every other man. What man wouldn’t want this life style?

Few men have what it takes to be a pimp in real life. Ice-T (Tracy Marrow) wrote a great description of pimps in his book, The Ice Opinion. In The Autobiography of Malcolm X, one of Malcolm’s best friends in Harlem is a pimp, and he writes about him in length. The whole Halloween pimp phenomenon is nothing more then an adult version of a childhood fantasy. When males are young, what do they want to dress up as? Ninja’s, pirate’s, Darth Vader, etc. People that they perceive to have great power over their own destiny and over other’s. All humans are almost universally “control freaks,” and this behavior is ingrained in our genes.

-Tommy (Trick Masta Tommy Flash) Masterson.