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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Let’s Be Real

These are a few words and idioms used in the 21st century American lexicon that I find highly annoying. I don’t mind the use of these devices in casual conversation at all; they do have their place and purpose, however I do mind when people are not honest about their motivations and intentions.

1.) “Dating”

If you are over the age of 18 and you say that you are “dating” somebody, that really means that you’re fucking them, or about to start fucking them.

Take some basic Human social interactions like a shared meal, watching a movie, talking on the phone, taking a walk, a laugh at an inside joke, sharing feelings and experiences, talking about your hopes and dreams… Sounds a lot like something you might do on a date? It also sounds a lot like something you might do with your family or friends. So what is the difference between dating and the interaction between you and your friends and family? Sex, of course.

Let’s be real for a moment. If you say that you are “dating” somebody, that implies that you are having conjugal relations with them, even if you are or not. A “date” is what you are doing when you are not having sex, as sex or immanent sex is the line in the sand between dating and other interpersonal relationships.

“Dating” and “fucking” are completely interchangeable in a modern conversation. For example:

“I’m dating this guy,”
“I’m fucking this guy,”
“I just started dating this new chick,”
“I just started fucking this new chick,”
“We have been dating for months,”
“We have been fucking for months,”

Why must we sugar coat the actual nature of an intimate relationship? Since we all know that sex is the defining factor between romantic and a plutonic relationships, I submit to you that when the nature of a relationship is being discussed, it should be defined unambiguously.

Let’s all be honest from now on. Instead of “date,” start saying “fuck.”

2.) Racism

In 21st century USA, racism has come to mean several things in popular culture:

A: When any white person does anything to offend anybody of any another race.
B: When any non-Jewish person says the word “Jew,” or when any non-black says the word “Black.”
C: When any white person is hired for a job instead of an applicant of another race, even if the white applicant has better qualifications or experience.
D: Having light skin, period.

Just as you can in no way understand the anger and frustrations of black people in America unless you are black, you can not understand the anger and frustrations of white people because they feel that they are not able to discuss racial issues at all, for fear of being labeled as racists. I try to break this mold and tell it like it is, however. Try that is.

I personally believe that almost everybody on Earth is basically cast from the same mold, and the same social drives motivate nearly everybody on Earth. The KGB in the former Soviet Union understood this, (the Russians may be the most racist people on the planet; they uniformly describe every racial entity in their domain that is any color than white as “The Blacks”) and knew what the Party and the people did not; that there were four motivations that drove every man and woman on the planet, no matter what race. The KGB called this the M.I.C.E. principal:

Money
Ideology
Conscience
Ego

The KGB knew that if you could figure out what was the primary motivation behind a person; then this could be exploited for their own ends. It should be noted that the KGB was widely regarded as the best intelligence agency in the history of the world.

Back on topic now. How many times have you witnessed something like this on a comedy show:

When a black comic satires whites, EVERYBODY laughs hard.
When a white comic satires blacks, EVERYBODY goes: “Uh-ohhhh”, “ummmmm”, “oh no”, “he didn’t say that!”
When a black comic satires blacks, EVERYBODY laughs, except whites; they chuckle nervously while looking around to see if a black person is watching them.
When a white comic satires whites, EVERYBODY laughs hard.

White people are so scared of being called racist that they completely shut down when they are confronted with the race issue.

The term racism is suffering from overuse; it really doesn’t mean much anymore. When somebody shouts “racism!” it garners about as much attention as a shrieking three-toned car alarm.

3.) Sexism

This is nearly a dead word, but it is still used by people with a radical feminist agenda to describe the perceived discrimination of females in the American workplace. You know, the classic image of a married, balding male “boss” chasing the young bimbo secretary around his desk.

While I have no doubt that this sort of thing may happen from time to time, what the feminists refuse or fail to acknowledge is that the secretary usually flops on the desk spread-eagle, well before the wicked male “boss” has run any marathons.

Modern businesses are too afraid of being sued to not let women take over top positions, whenever possible.

“Women in equivalent positions still don’t earn on average as much as men, Tommy! That is proof of sexism in the workplace!”

That women earn less in an equivalent (non-illeagal, Nevada excluded) position as a man, there can be no doubt, however it is not sexism; it is biology:

Men don’t give birth to children.

I submit to you that the true reason for the sexual wage disparity in the United States is that men have more time to devote to their careers because they can not give birth to children.

The world is doomed if I am the first to figure that one out.

4) I couldn’t get a word in edgewise

This idiom has been around for at least three hundred years. When I hear anybody say that, I instantly stop listening and start thinking about Roman torture devices, and how the speaker would look attached to them.

What they really mean is,
“I was having a conversation with somebody, and they had the nerve to not allow me to interrupt!”

Yup.
-Masterson

1 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

Fun stuff. I think your counter at the bottom of the page is broken.

4/06/2006 12:05 AM  

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