The Three Most Attractive Women, Ever

#1: Elizabeth Hurley, Starring in: Bedazzled

Her voice is flowing honey, and the costumes she puts on in this flick would make most priests thank the lord that they were Men! One of the great mysteries of the ages is why Hugh Grant left her bed one night to seek the services of a $10 crack-whore. He said it was because she wouldn’t give head, but I believe that was a feeble excuse said in distress by a feeble actor. Nobody knows for certain the real reason, but I frankly don’t care. Hurley is the PERFECT fantasy in this movie.

This movie is a good gay-test. If your male friends do not think much of Elizabeth in this, then they are gay. If you have female friends that always want to watch this movie, then they are gay as well.

#2: Andrea Parker, Starring in: The Pretender

She hunted The Pretender, and she haunted all of our lives. Her long, silky legs, raven hair, smoldering cigarette, and ocean-blue eyes were greatly enhanced by her arrogant, cocky, flippant remarks. Every man (and many women) who watched The Pretender wanted to take Andrea over their knee, and spank her like the bad girl that she was... SMACK!

Oh, baby! Why do you have to be so bad, Ms. Parker!?


#3: Demi Moore, any:

My aunt asked me, when I was 17, who I thought was the best looking woman in the world. With no hesitation, I said Demi Moore. This was long before Striptease, so shut up. I was in love with this woman for a VERY LONG time. There is no need to talk about her liquid green eyes, or how her body must have been molded by the ghost of Michelangelo himself…no need at all…


-Tommy Masterson